Simple Things

 This weekend we celebrated a special birthday.

This guy turned 91!  My Paw Paw is a special man.  He and my Maw live just a few seconds down the road from my parent's house.  There is a path cut through the woods that makes the trip even shorter, and growing up my sister and I must have made that walk thousands of times.

Paw Paw likes a cup of coffee, reading, growing tomatoes, and going to eat fried fish at the fish house.  He is a natural story teller and loves to laugh, a trait which my dad and I most definitely both inherited.  He is a World War II veteran and vividly remembers his time spent on ships in the Pacific.  He loves my dad and always calls my parent's house to make sure that my dad has made it home safely from work.  And I will never forget the image of him faithfully holding the light while my dad worked on various broken down vehicles late into the night, something he still does to this day.
 
Though I will leave her age a mystery because ladies don't tell, my Maw also recently celebrated a birthday.  She has been a door greeter at Wal-Mart for 27 years, has a sharp sense of humor, and is super smart.  I think she might start Christmas shopping in February, she makes a dang good Sunday roast, and she has an extensive jewelry collection that I always liked to look at when I was young.  Every Christmas Eve she loads my cousins and I down with gifts to give the neighbors across the street before we come back and open our own presents, and there is always room for one more person at her house on Christmas Eve.

LOUD storytelling and LOUD laughing, everyone talking at once, Sunday lunch, Easter egg hunts, hummingbird feeders, a cold can of coke, a twenty dollar bill to help with gas, and a storybook Christmas Eve--these are the things I think of when I think of Maw and Paw Paw's house.  They do not worry much about anything and they absolutely do not meddle, and I think this has kept them young.

Sometimes I have a tendency to make things complicated.  I get worried about what people think, the future, my clothes, my things, or about how 1983 called and wants the bathrooms in my house back--all manner of things that don't matter or that I can't control.  When I think about my Maw and Paw Paw I am reminded about how it's the simple things that matter.  The simple things are what matter to them, and the simple things are what we love about them most.

In my life full of busy and fast, their house is a throw back to a slower time.  It's always the same, always comfortable, and always a place where you can come as you are.  As I sat there tonight I thought about how telling loud stories with family, visiting with cousins, and eating 91st birthday cake is about as good as it gets.  I'm so proud of my Maw and Paw Paw, and I'm so lucky to be their granddaughter.

Happy birthday Paw Paw! We love you!

Whitney

Twitchney

I have spent six years of my life in college, with a one-year break between undergrad and graduate school.  Throughout the duration of those years I maintained a perpetual twitch in my left eye as a result of a constant lack of sleep or rest of any sort.  I am not proud of this, really I consider it to be a personal low.  I know it started during my freshman year, but the eye twitch really kicked it up a notch during the first semester of my sophomore year.  I had become very concerned about maintaining my grades by that point, and I had also been lucky enough to meet a group of very fun friends.  I think it’s difficult for most people to find the balance between studying and social activities in college (for the record, I think they’re at least equally important), but I made it especially difficult on myself by being very intense about both.  It’s tricky not to miss a single dinner, party, dance, weekend trip, or event of any kind while also not cutting yourself any slack in class.  The result was that I never went to sleep before 3 or 4 am, fell asleep any time I was still, and had a constant eye twitch. 

I think the true highlight of this time period came during my junior year when I was running for a spot on our student government’s executive council.  I was sitting up on the auditorium stage, all dressed up in a suit, waiting on my turn to speak and my eye just went crazy.  I felt it and later my friends were kind enough to give me a full report on the situation.  Here's the bottom line-I could dress up, put on make-up, and speak intelligently, but my eye would always give away the complete exhaustion just under the surface.  Why, WHY did I do this to myself? They should have called me Whitney “Left-Eye” Smith.  Instead, my friends gave me the endearing nickname of “Twitchney”.

I wish I could say that I kicked all these habits once I was finished with school, but they have followed me firmly into adulthood.  They might look different--I definitely cannot stay up until 3 or 4 am anymore if I would like to function like a normal person the next day--but I am still tempted to ignore the need to rest, and I’m guessing this is a struggle for most of you too.  This looks different for all of us, but for me this looks like doing what feels like a million things at once, planning a million things at once, staying up too late working, and having weekends full of events. 

I dare say that no one wants to feel exhausted all of the time.  We keep going without stopping because we feel like we have to, not because it’s great fun for us.  We live in a society that moves really fast, and we feel like things will fall apart if we slow down.  The problem is that a lack of rest doesn’t just result in an eye twitch.  It can make us irritable, emotional, and distractible. It can lead to or increase feelings of stress, anxiety, or depression.  No rest can make us less productive, mess up our appetite, and can cause us to get sick more easily. When we are constantly exhausted it’s easy for us to return to old bad habits and ignore taking care of ourselves.  Ultimately, a lack of rest can suck the joy out of life.  I’m not just talking about physical rest, I’m talking about spiritual, mental, and emotional rest as well.  The older I get, this past year more than ever, I am realizing that rest is not optional.  It’s a crucial part of living a healthy life. 

The Bible gives us lots of examples of rest.  Genesis 2:2&3 tells us, “By the seventh day God completed His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done.  Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made.” I can’t be exactly sure of what God specifically did on that seventh day, but I can be sure that He spent it resting.  It doesn’t say that He snuck in a little or a different kind of work on the side, but that He rested.  Why do I sometimes feel like this example does not apply to me, and that what I’m doing is so important that I can’t stop to rest?

Jesus gives us a lot of examples of rest too.  He set aside time to spend totally alone with God or with just His closest friends after intense periods of busyness, before making important decisions, or before big events.  He encouraged His disciples to do the same thing.  In Mark 6:31&32, just before the feeding of the 5,000 it says, “And He said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.’ (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.) They went away in the boat to a secluded place by themselves.”  Without spiritual rest we will quickly feel ourselves feeling far from God.  

Physical rest is crucial for survival, spiritual rest and renewal are the basis for living a life of joy and purpose, but I also think mental/emotional rest is an important part of a balanced life.  I spend my entire day hearing and thinking about intense topics, and I bet that's true for many of you as well.  When I get home it's important for me to spend at least a little time watching or reading something light hearted, happy, or encouraging.  If I'm feeling fancy this might mean a light hearted Christian book, but most times it means reading a book or watching a show that is pointless and not at all high quality.  My brain just needs to rest and not think. 

The best rest looks different for all of us--you know what works best for you.  The main thing is to plan out your rest time and make it happen, preferably before you become exhausted.  Time to rest doesn't usually just show up, we have to be intentional about it.  So go ahead, plan it out, and be protective of that time!

Getting enough rest is something that I have really been trying to work on in 2015.  I'm definitely not perfect at it, but I'm getting better.  I'm planning to keep it up, because believe me, no one wants to have an encounter with Twitchney the eye twitcher.  

Whitney 

Currently

Hello and happy Friday friends.  I am feeling quite accomplished right now, because I have managed to 1. Add my picture to my blog and 2. Participate in my first link up.  Technology is certainly not my area of strength, really I'd call it an area of extreme weakness, so I am just delighted that I managed these things without assistance.  I still don't have a Twitter account, because I certainly don't want to have all of my technology fun in one week!

I found out about the Currently link up, hosted by Jenna of Dearest Love, from my friend Jessica at Meet the Magnolias and I thought it would be fun to join in.

Hearting / I'm loving the fact that the heater in my 11-year-old 4Runner is working just as fine as ever on these cold mornings, lysol lemon scented all purpose cleaner, my new Skinnytaste Cookbook, and my leather bracelet with some "pearls" on it that all the kids have explained to me is very fashionable right now.  Clearly, it's been a wild week around here.

Pinning / Tragically nothing, because when I'm busy I forget about Pinterest really quickly.  But, if I were pinning something it would be these gold framed botanical prints from Emily A. Clark's blog, because I love them so much.

http://emilyaclark.com/2015/01/my-most-asked-about-accessories.html

Reading / Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (for the 95th time) in preparation for my trip to Harry Potter World in March, Home is Where My People Are by Sophie Hudson (I'm happy to report that my friends and I were able to behave a little more calmly last night at her book signing that we did we when saw her in Birmingham a couple of weeks ago), and The Underground Girls of Kabul, a book about the practice of dressing young girls up like boys in Afghanistan so there are more opportunities available to them.  I have really liked this book so far.

Eating / Wheat toast with avocado for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  I have literally eaten this at least once a day for the past two weeks.  I usually put a fried egg on top, but a couple of times I've gotten wild and topped it with turkey and melted swiss cheese.  Of course I got the idea at skinnytaste.com.
Doesn't hers look good? I promise you, mine is not nearly so lovely.

http://www.skinnytaste.com/2015/01/avocado-toast-with-sunny-side-egg.html

Anticipating / Celebrating Sara's new baby girl coming in March with some of my best friends tomorrow night.  All of us being together in the same place is about as good as it gets.

Hope you have a good weekend!

Whitney

Feeling Sad

Sometimes, sad things happen.  Losing someone we love, losing a job we hoped to keep, an unexpected move, a special pet passing away, an unwanted divorce-some things are just sad.  And when these things happen, it's ok to feel sad.  Just like when happy things happen we feel happy, just like when exciting things happen we feel excited, feeling sad is a natural part of being a human.

The thing about being sad is that sometimes our sadness makes other people really uncomfortable, or even sad themselves.  Some people might hate seeing us feel sad so much that they go to great lengths to try to cheer us up, and we start feeling pressure to pretend like everything's ok.  Other people might belittle our feelings in a way, and make us feel like it's time to "move on" or "get over it".  And there does come a time in all situations when it's right to accept that the situation is different, to find a new normal, and look for things that make us happy again.  But no one can put a time limit on that, because things are different for each person.

And truthfully, it isn't healthy, or fun for that matter, to spend the majority of our lives feeling sad.  It's not good if you constantly feel sad for no reason-if you spend your whole life feeling so sad that you can't eat, sleep, or get motivated and you can't figure out why.  But those big sad things, the things that matter deeply to us, it's just fine to feel sad about those for awhile.  To talk about it, to write about it, whatever we need to do.  Those things are a part of healing.

Feeling sad doesn't mean that we have a lack of faith, it doesn't mean that at all.  In Ecclesiastes it says, "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven...A time to cry and a time to laugh.  A time to grieve and a time to dance." The Bible is full of people who felt sad-women who couldn't have babies, people who lost the ones they loved, people who knew they had made huge mistakes.  Even Jesus felt sad.  God created us with a huge range of emotions and He is not made nervous or offended by our sadness.  Feeling sad doesn't mean that we lack faith, it's what we do with our sadness that matters.  A really low time can be an opportunity to depend on God and grow like we never have before, even if we also feel confused and angry.

This isn't really a cheerful message, but it's what was on my mind.  But this is a cheerful thought-if we have Jesus we can know, absolutely know, that we have a reason to hope, even during our saddest times.  Not just after this life is over, but today and every other day.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33


Whitney

A Festive Weekend and Some Links

This past weekend a few of my friends and I took a trip to Birmingham together.  We don't get to spend nearly as much time together as we used to and we really just needed to get away.  Though I will admit Birmingham is not the most exotic of locations, it is close to home and it has delicious food, which is how it ended up as our destination.  While gone we covered a lot of important topics, including but not limited to: our opinions on various types of melons, our cholesterol, and male pattern balding.  I can't say for sure what we will be discussing in 40 years, as we seem to be covering some of those pressing topics in advance.  We did a ton of laughing, a ton of eating, and solved a lot of problems.

Perhaps the highlight of the weekend came when we ran into BooMama at Chuy's on Sunday.  Sophie Hudson (BooMama) is the author of the BooMama blog and she has a special place in my heart because her's is the first blog that I ever read.  I read it each morning at a long ago job and found a reason to laugh when I was not laughing at much else during the work day.  She has written a couple of books now and we were THRILLED to run into her.  So thrilled in fact that I'm nervous we alarmed her, or at least majorly creeped her out.  But she was so nice and even took a picture with us.

I'm pretty sure that conditions weren't perfect for any of us to get away.  Some of us have babies, some live hours away, all of us have plenty going on at home and work to keep us exhausted, and the month after Christmas is not the ideal time for anyone to be spending extra money.  But sometimes spending time with your people overrides all of those things, and it did this time.  Sometimes we need to laugh more than we need anything else.

And that's what I've been up to.  Work is getting busier for me so I haven't had as much time in recent days to knock any more holes in my walls or meditate on being called thick, but I did want to share a few things that I've enjoyed lately:

Have you read my sister's blog? She's the best writer I know and is in New York taking cover from winter storm Juno at this very moment!
http://kaylasmith89.blogspot.com/2015/01/interview-day.html

Because too tight pants are my worst nightmare.  WORST.
http://www.chattingatthesky.com/2015/01/20/the-spiritual-discipline-of-wearing-better-pants/

I am very serious about my annual skin check, so I could relate to this riveting story about a trip to the dermatologist's office.
http://motherhoodandmuffintops.blogspot.com/2015/01/not-socks.html

Have you gotten BooMama's new book yet? I haven't but I can't wait! I may wait to pick it up when I see her next week at her book signing in Jackson, where I am sure to further creep her out with my presence.
http://boomama.net/2015/01/16/what-we-have-here-are-some-special-offers/

Can this be real life? We can only hope.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/20/tlc-new-kids-on-the-block-nelly-tour_n_6506972.html

Have a good week and make sure to take time to do some laughing of your own.

Whitney

The Thicky Thick Club

I heard her before I saw her. “WHITNEY! You’re back! You’re here!” It was a lady who works in the building where I took the majority of my grad school classes, greeting me as I walked inside. “You’re here again! What are you doing here? Your jacket is so thin! Where are your gloves? And honey, you have gotten THICK since you’ve been married, haven’t you?!” 

 Oh my, I thought. Oh no. She didn’t just say that. But she did. I’ll ignore it and it will go away. “I’m so glad to see you," I told her. “Yes, I’m back, I’m just teaching a couple of classes.” 

 “TEACHING!? How WONDERFUL! And you HAVE gotten thick since you’ve been married, haven’t you? Haven’t you???”

 Oh no, the ignoring did not make it go away. How do I answer this appropriately? “Well…maybe a little bit?", I told/asked her. 

 “Ok baby, you stay warm. I’ll see you later!” And she was gone. 

 This was the delightful interaction with which I got to start my day last Friday. I got into the elevator, slightly shocked, and I laughed and laughed and laughed. I texted my friends and laughed. I could not get it together for the first five minutes of my class. The day had not been off to a great start even before this, in fact the past couple of weeks have not been especially great for me. But somehow, instead of defeating me, this comment completely lifted my mood, because what can you do with something like that besides laugh?

 Several years ago hearing something like this would have devastated me. I am talking a full out, emotional meltdown that would have likely included crying and an attempt at crash dieting (that would have lasted 2 days). I would have been truly upset and convinced that I looked terrible. But fortunately I have gained some perspective over the past few years and these are some things I know with certainty:  1. There are worse things in the world than gaining a little weight. MUCH worse things. 2. If the worst thing that happens to me in a day is that an acquaintance speculates that perhaps I’ve gained some weight, then I’m doing ok. 3. Just because someone says something or thinks something about me does not automatically make it true. 

 I do have memories of people saying hurtful things to me during elementary school, high school, and college. However, I have always had really great friends, so I spent the majority of my time around people who made me feel good about myself instead of bad. It wasn’t until after college that I had some experiences with people that really shook me. By that point I was able to handle people commenting on my appearance (after 22 years I felt pretty clear on what I looked like), but I was in no way prepared to handle being attacked in areas that really mattered to me-my work ethic, my integrity, and my relationship with God. Those comments people made turned into thoughts inside my head, and the thoughts very nearly turned into beliefs. It took me a long time to sort out what was true and what was not. 

 Unfortunately, the world is full of unpleasant people and unpleasant words. I like to think that there are still a lot of kind people around, but eventually you will run into that one person who does their best to bring you down--a classmate, a teacher, a co-worker, a boss, a bad relationship. I have worked with so many clients, particularly women, who have been wounded or developed some beliefs about themselves based on other peoples words.   These words can come in different forms--bullying, emotional abuse, passive aggressive comments, I’m-just-kidding-but-I’m-really-being-terrible comments. The words can make you feel fat, dumb, selfish, irresponsible, uptight, inadequate, insecure,  or a number of other negative things.    I don’t know the lady who feels I have become thick very well at all, and in all honesty she wasn’t being anything but sweet and friendly. But it’s a whole different story when words are meant to be hurtful, or when they come from someone who is important to us.  So how do we get control of our feelings and thoughts? It’s not easy, but I think there are a few things we can do:

-Make a choice. Think about the comment one time, see if there is anything constructive about it, and if not, choose not to think about it anymore. Intentionally let it go. Our minds get us into trouble when we think….and think…and think about something. What did she mean? Why would she have said that? That’s not even true! Or maybe it is true…I wish I would have said…Our minds can get stuck on something and run from there. A verse that I have to remind myself of often is Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” It takes work, but God has given us the ability to have control over our thoughts. My pastor preached a great sermon with some true and relevant thoughts on this topic this past Sunday, and you can listen here. 

-Know who you are. Know the things that you are good at and own them. Know that the best things about you are things that are on the inside of you, not things that are superficial. Know that you are not perfect and that you will mess up sometimes. Do not get your security or your satisfaction from what other people say or think about you.  Know that you will never please everyone, and that is ok.  

-Surround yourself with positive people.  This one is simple.  If you are regularly around someone who makes you feel terrible about yourself, it is time to make some big changes in that relationship.  When you can help it, surround yourself with people who make you feel good and not bad.   People who are positive, fun, and remind you of your strengths.  We ultimately can't always control who we spend time with, but make the most of it when you can!


Hurtful words are always going to be a part of life, but with some practice we can get better at managing them in a way that doesn't bring us down.

And as for my thickness--once upon a time when I was on my high school's dance team we received an unusual shipment of dance tights.  We were all appalled because we had to wear a larger size in these tights than we did in regular clothes, to the point that some of my friends formed the "Thicky Thick Club" in representation of their tight size.  The girls told me that my tight size did not qualify me for membership.  Well ladies, my day has arrived! I will accept my membership card via U.S. Postal Service or electronic device.

Whitney

The Day the Wall Caved In

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In continuing on our quest to rid our new home of it’s 80s look and earth-toned/throw up toned paint colors, Will and I set out to paint our laundry room on Saturday night. I bought the paint a couple of months ago, we already had all the other supplies, and this little room cannot be much bigger than 5x10. After the experience of painting nearly the whole house, we knew this would be an easy task.

 If you know me well, you know the spirit of my dad comes out in me when it comes time to take on a project of any sort--home projects, academic projects, cooking projects, anything. And if you know my dad, you know that the man is a machine. There is nothing he cannot build or fix, and he will not consider stopping until the job is done and done correctly. There are, however, many things that I cannot build or fix, and so sometimes the combination of the Can’t Stop Won’t Stop attitude engraved in my DNA and my lack of actual ability get me in over my head. It has led to me attempting much mechanical work on my car, nearly shocking myself on occasion, climbing too high, and many, many late nights. When these things happen, Will shakes his head, says, “you’ve got so much of your dad in you,” and tries to keep me from injuring myself. And the laundry room proved to be no exception.

 Will took everything out of the room, I cleaned really well, and we were ready to paint. Even this prep work took a really long time. We felt it best to begin by pulling the washer and dryer out so we could paint behind them, and that’s when things went downhill fast. We saw a terrible thing--a leak running down the wall. Will poked the wall to investigate the situation and IT CAVED IN. I am serious, that part of the wall just collapsed and a hole and messed up wall remained. I will spare you a picture of this, because you know what isn’t cute? A hole in the wall.

 It didn’t take us long to figure out how to best handle the situation--we just pushed the washer and dryer back in place, ignored the hole, and went about painting the room as planned. We painted the trim and walls, then I decided the trim needed to be painted again. Then we touched up the walls. Then the cabinets all looked so dingy that I could not resist painting them as well. When we finished something was still wrong, and I realized the ceiling was a horrible yellow color that was ruining my very life. So we painted it a bright, happy white. After many hours and a hole in the wall we finally went to bed at 3 am. 

 While the room certainly is not pinterest worthy, it looks SO much better than it did back when it had earth toned walls and a yellow ceiling. But here is the problem-that room is not really fixed, because that hole is still there. It’s hidden and I can ignore it, but eventually we are going to have to call the contractor and pay the big money to have it fixed. Then things will really be well in the laundry room. 

 As I think more about having to fix the hole in the wall, I realize I have handled this situation in a way that is pretty similar to how we often handle big problems in our lives. I’m talking about the deep, dark problems that we don’t want anyone to know about and are not easy to fix. The hurts that run deep and that started a long time ago, or maybe we don’t know when they started at all. The issues that we ignore while we address other problems that seem easier to handle, like dingy cabinets or a yellow ceiling. The holes in the wall that we paint around, working hard to make everything else look pretty so no one will notice the mess. Sometimes we can almost trick ourselves into forgetting, but we never really do. The hole is still there. 

 What if this was the year that we decided to handle the hard things, whatever that looks like for each of us. I think a great place to start is by simply sharing your struggle with a friend, someone at your church, or even a counselor. Often times just getting things out in the open, an encouraging word, and a fresh perspective can make a gloomy situation seem a lot brighter. It will still probably take time and work to fully heal, but it’s progress. Plus, I’ve learned the most rewarding things in life don’t usually happen easily.

 As for me and my house, the hole in the wall and approximately 3,000 projects remain! Wish me luck and pray for poor Will. 

 Whitney