The Most Festive Evening

It was a big weekend around here! On Saturday night I spoke to a group of women at Pine Grove Baptist Church in Hickory Flat, MS. It was their annual Christmas dinner and it was a BEAUTIFUL event. Each table was sponsored by a different woman and let me tell you-the ladies in Hickory Flat know how to set a table. The men served the food and they took their job very seriously. I can't begin to say enough about how friendly and kind everyone was. It was altogether the most Christmasy night you can imagine and I was so honored to be a part of such a special evening.

I spoke about about how the holidays can be a stressful time-pressure to create holiday magic, busy schedules, gifts to buy, feeling like we need to be multiple places at once-and how we can enjoy Christmas activities while still keeping our focus on celebrating the hope we have in Christ.

Did you know it is difficult to look normal in pictures in which you are speaking to a large group of people? At least for me it is. Sometimes I see pictures of people speaking and they look very Spiritual and Wise. I will settle for looking relatively normal.

Sometimes people ask things like "How do you do that?" when I finish speaking. And honestly, it's not me at all. When I think about the reality of it, it's as scary to me as it would be to any person. I get very nervous before I go on. But I do my best to depend on God and trust that He will show up, because if I try to do it on my own I'm quite sure I'm doomed. But the amazing thing is that He always does show up-He's never left me alone yet. Somehow I'm able to be totally calm and I know what to say. It's a miracle, really. I can't understand why He would choose to speak through a person like me-but I'm so thankful that He does. And I'm so thankful that He always meets us where He has put us.

"Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." Ephesians 6:19-20

And the biggest thanks to the two best sidekicks of all time. They made what could have been a nerve wracking day the most fun. And please do ignore the words "Ole Miss" behind us on the wall. Because Oxford is SO cute and fun, but I will #hailstate forever.

I hope your holiday season has gotten off to the very best start!

Whitney

Beauty for Ashes

Hello friends! If you are visiting from the Rankin Baptist newsletter or the Crossroads Counseling Facebook page, then welcome! I'm Whitney Caves, a Licensed Professional Counselor with Crossroads Christian Marriage and Family Counseling Center. I work with clients facing a variety of issues including anxiety, depression, and low-self esteem. I see clients at our Clinton and Pearl locations, and Crossroads has several other locations throughout the state. For more information about our services, visit our website by clicking here.

The piece of the article that I shared in the Rankin Baptist newsletter was first published on my blog a few months ago. Here is the full article:



January 11, 2011 was a rare snow day in Clinton. My graduate school classes had been cancelled, and I was at my then-fiancé-now-husband Will’s apartment with a couple of other friends watching the college football national championship when my mom called. I didn’t answer the first time, but I was worried that something might be wrong when she called back immediately.

“Whitney. Your dad has had some sort of a spell. You need to come home right now”, she told me in a voice that didn’t belong to her. Absolute panic raced through my mind and body and I had a thousand questions that she couldn’t answer. “It doesn’t look good. You just need to come right now”, she told me. 

All I remember about that moment is that I wasn’t able to coherently speak to my friends to explain what had happened, nor could I coherently think. A moment like this will make you realize what your faith is really made of, and I am forever grateful that my first instinct was to run into Will’s room and fall onto my knees. I tried to pray, and I felt like I was, but later my friends told me that I wasn’t speaking real words but just making sounds. When I look back at that moment, I am certain, absolutely, supernaturally certain, that the Holy Spirit was there, interceding for me when I couldn’t pray real words for myself. 

My friends got me up, and Will drove me two hours south to Forrest General hospital in Hattiesburg. When we got to the hospital, we found out that my dad had suffered a massive heart attack known as the Widow Maker, a type of heart attack that immediately kills 9 out of 10 people. He had been without a pulse when he got to the hospital, without oxygen to his brain for 45 minutes, and shocked over a dozen times before he somewhat stabilized. The doctors at the hospital in my hometown of Picayune had told my mom that he probably wouldn’t survive the ambulance ride to the cardiac unit an hour north in Hattiesburg, but that he definitely wouldn’t make it if they didn’t try.

Fortunately, this story ends in the happiest way possible. After the doctors told us that he likely wouldn’t make it, my dad started making tiny improvements and miraculously woke up a couple of days later. He left the hospital 7 days after arriving, rode his motorcycle for the first time 6 weeks later, and went back to work at the beginning of the summer. He walked me down the aisle at my wedding that September, and I don’t know if there has ever been a bride more thankful to have her dad beside her. Today he is healthier than ever with no lasting damage at all.

My dad looking fine as ever!

 If you happen to be in search of a Christian magazine, I recommend that you head to your nearest ICU waiting room because they are full of them. I remember picking one up, while my dad was still unconscious, and reading “For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 

I’d known this verse for a long time, but it didn’t really become personal to me until the months following that night. For several different reasons those months were HARD, probably the hardest of my life so far. Despite being so happy and thankful that my dad was ok, life suddenly seemed unpredictable, out of my control, and terrifying.  If something this terrible could happen, what else could happen? What if it didn’t turn out so well the next time something bad happened? For months I suffered from crippling anxiety plus guilt for feeling the anxiety. Nothing seemed to be going right and it was hard for me to find “the good” in my situation.

What good things did I eventually find?  Most significantly, my relationship with God took a very real turn that night. It didn’t happen quickly, but I can look back and see that it was the turning point. The anxiety I experienced finally resulted in me turning to scripture in a way that I never had before, and this strengthened my sometimes shaky faith in a way that nothing else ever had.  Second, spending time in counseling helped me to be able to connect to the desperation that some of my clients feel the first time they meet with me—I wouldn’t understand that feeling if I hadn’t experienced it myself. Third, I now have a story to share that may encourage someone else.  

Why do I share this story? Because sometimes it seems impossible to find the good right away.  Let me be very clear about this—I am in no way trying to compare my experience to whatever painful things that others go through. My dad made it, but someone out there has a dad who didn’t and that is a pain that I can’t pretend to understand. Someone lost a baby. A marriage. A dream. A job. Maybe you’ve made a big mistake.  Maybe you haven’t lost anything, but maybe you’re just disappointed with life and with God about the things that haven’t worked out the way you hoped. 

But whatever your trouble is, know this—as long as you’re living, God has a good plan and a purpose for your life. God brings purpose from the good things—your talents, experiences, and successes--but He also redeems and brings good from your hard times and mistakes too. It may not be in the way that you expect or hope, but God, in His timing, will bring something good from your deepest pain. We can count on this promise, today and always. 

“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.” Isaiah 61:3

After I originally posted this story the Mutual of Omaha organization contacted me and asked me to make a video for their Aha Moment Tour. Click here if you'd like to hear me talk a little about why I love counseling and finding purpose in everyday life. 

Thanks so much for reading!

Whitney 

It Can Wait!

If you know me well, then you know this—I am the anti-procrastinator. And this is not always a good thing, no indeed, not at all. If something needs to be done, I have to do it right away or else. Or else I’ll get crazy and only be able to think about the thing that needs doing. Every day for years I’ve gotten up and made a To-Do list. I like to make a list for the day and for the week. I like to make different categories of lists (grocery list, book list, house list). Sometimes I’ve even made lists for the month or for a season (I have an actual Summer ’15 list in my planner. I don’t know if I’m proud of this or not. Maybe I should have kept this a secret because now maybe you think I'm a little scary. I'm not!).

Making a To-Do list really is a great idea. It helps us organize our thoughts, put them all down where we can see them, and cross them off as we get them done. I will make lists forever, I’m sure. However, sometimes I have a special knack for making things harder than they have to be. Sometimes I put more on my list than is humanly possible to complete in the amount of time that I’ve given myself, and I spend my day sprinting around in a state of frantic-ness that is completely self-induced.

In the past I’ve had this bad habit of sprinting around, constantly doing things and never resting, but not necessarily doing the things that I most need to do in order to make my life go smoothly. This always results in me having a Quarterly Crash where I pretty much get sick because I’m so exhausted.  I fully recognize that this is terrible for me, and in fact it’s something that I am constantly helping my clients with in counseling. It’s not good for me, I don’t feel like it’s honoring to God, and it’s a pattern that I’m determined to stop as I head into my 30’s.

This Saturday I was especially tired. Not just my body, but my mind and my spirit too. During the school year I teach a couple of college classes. I added a third class to my schedule this semester and after the first two weeks of teaching I was wiped out. And I know I am not alone in being tired out from the beginning of the back to school routine!

Even though I was tired, there were some things that I needed to take care of this weekend. But this time, before I made my To-Do list I decided to make an It Can Wait List. I got out my list paper and made a list of things that I needed to do at some point, but not necessarily right away. Some of these things included:

• Taking the leftovers from our garage sale to the thrift store. They had been riding around with me for a week. A couple more days wouldn't hurt.
• Bringing an enormous pile of clothes to the cleaners. They had been riding around with me for like a month. What’s another couple of days?
• Washing the dog. He would be ok for another couple of days.
• Cleaning anything.
• Doing any sort of exercise.

And then I made a list of things that really could not wait. It included:

• Washing clothes.
• Getting ready for classes.
• Laying down and not moving for a little while. Preferably in a dark room. 
• Watching Step Up on ABC Family.  This most assuredly could not wait. Do you remember this? I think I could do this dance from memory. And then I would not be able to move for a week.

For me, the key to this working is asking myself a couple of questions—What is most important here? What will make me feel the least stressed today/this week/ this month? What do I feel like I need right now? The idea here is not to procrastinate. It's to give ourselves freedom to wait on some things in order to really focus on what's most important for right now. And really to just chill out altogether, because a lot of things really can wait. 

Because I'm so tech savvy, I made this special picture to go along with this idea.

Have a good weekend friends. I hope Step Up comes on ABC Family again so you can watch it too. I'm pretty sure it inspired me on towards success this week. And thank you so much for all your kind birthday wishes!

Whitney

Getting Older, But Certainly Not Old

Next week I turn 30. I think I’m supposed to be experiencing some sort of conflicted feelings about this, but honestly, I’m not.  People keep saying things like, “Oh. How are you dealing with that?” in a tone that indicates I’ve just shared that I have a terrible illness instead of that I’m turning 30. Maybe the freaked out feelings will come, but so far they haven’t. Maybe it’s because I feel good about the things that happened in my 20’s and for where I am in life in general. I feel immensely thankful for this to be the case. However, it does feel strange to think of being such an age. How did this happen?

I was grocery shopping a couple of days ago at my local Kroger. All the college kids are back in town and they just look so young. Like children, really. Which is strange, because I’m supposed to be their age. Like in my heart, I’m supposed to be 22 still. I saw a group of girls standing in a circle, obviously seeing each other for the first time since getting back to town.  They were so young and tan too, probably because they just returned from some grand summer adventure. And I felt like saying, “Hey! You girls! I just wanted you to know that I used to be young and fun! I had this group of best friends when I went to MC and we were so fun! And I had the most fun summers! Just wanted you to know!” But I didn’t, because turning 30 doesn’t mean I have to turn into a creeper too.

During my senior year at Mississippi College I was a part of this group of students called the Executive Council.  We did all sorts of things on campus, and I still feel lucky that I had the chance to belong to that group.  We would meet for hours on Monday nights, and I would always walk part of the way back to my dorm with my three good guys friends. We would part ways in front of the cafeteria and I would walk the rest of the way back by myself. Because I was a very sentimental 22 year old, I would spend the rest of the walk thinking about how much I loved going to school at MC and how I’d better live it up because I knew it wouldn’t last forever. 

It didn’t last forever, and I was sad when it was over. But more good times came, then I was sad when those were over too. But then even more good times came. That’s the thing about happy seasons—they don’t last forever, but we can always be sure another good one is just around the corner. When I think about it, I guess I’ve always been pretty good about trying to enjoy today and not chasing tomorrow or yesterday. Maybe that’s why I’m ok with turning 30.

To commemorate this big day I’ve rounded up some pictures of past birthdays. I do hope you enjoy them.

This is a birthday beach trip that we took during our senior year of college. I had only just met Will and we weren't quite dating yet, but somehow us girls came to the conclusion that the fate of our relationship rested solely upon whether or not he had the foresight to call me at exactly midnight on my birthday. I know you'll be relieved to hear that he called. Whew. 

This is a special surprise Mexican fiesta birthday during which my friend Megan read a delightful card in an unidentified Latino accent. I located this card during my garage clean out, but no worries I saved it. It's available for viewing in my garage closet. 

Imagine coming home to find yourself in icing on a cake, dressed up as a cowgirl. I really think this speaks for itself. 

To wrap things up, here is a pre-birthday confession. People have always thought I am  younger than I really am, but it seems never so much as they do now. And just in time too, because I really can't think of a better time to speak to a lady about her youthful appearance than upon the approach of her 30th birthday. It's not at all uncommon for a client to find out my age and say, "Oh, I thought you were like 22." And I think to myself Bless you precious child  and put a happy face by their name in my head. So here is my birthday prayer-Dear Lord, please let me grow as much and have as many happy times and friends in my 30's as I did in my 20's. Please help me look to you in everything that I do and in every decision I make. Please, PLEASE don't ever let me lose my counseling license because the licensing process is not something I can survive twice in a lifetime. And please let me look 22 forever and ever--or at least until I turn 35. At that point I feel it will be reasonable to increase it to maybe 26.  Amen. 

Whitney 

The Big Sale

It's going to be a big day around our house tomorrow. We are having our first ever garage sale, which I like to refer to as The Big Sale. The idea started this summer when we spent a lot of time cleaning out various areas of our house, including the boxes in the garage that have been sitting there for an entire year. Will and I both have a slight tendency towards hoarding, and some of these items that we cleaned out included, but were certainly not limited to--every single invitation to every single event of my friend Sara's wedding weekend (she's been married 7 years), the directions that Will's dad wrote out for him when he was making his original pilgrimage to Mississippi College for orientation, and cards to commemorate every life event 2008-2011. 

Anyway, we are really making an effort to fight our hoarding instincts in this house, so when I saw how much stuff there was to give away I started wondering if we could sell it. Thus The Big Sale was born. My official partner in The Big Sale is my good bestie and college roommate Sara. I want to stress that we were potluck roommates who roomed together all four years of college. Clearly we work well together in all endeavors. Here we are our senior year. I want to publicly acknowledge that I know there is a way to crop this, but I'm tired and I don't feel I have the energy to figure it out at this time.

What? You mean you don't have a professional portrait of you and your college roommate? Here's another of the whole group.

Just think girls.  One day you could be frolicking together in coordinating black shirts taking friendship pictures and 8 years later you could be hosting your very own Big Sale together #fancylife 

I heard rumors that such a sale is a lot of work, so I started doing some research. And it turns out that there is a whole culture of people who love nothing more than to run about in the wee morning hours hosting/shopping at garage sales. These people had a lot of very specific tips to share via the internets, and I am greatly appreciative for these words of advice from the professionals.  

I am weirdly fascinated by the idea of a neighborhood garage sale. I grew up in the country, and though I'm sure people must have had them, I don't recall ever seeing a garage sale sign out by my house. So I'm fascinated with them in the same way that I'm still fascinated with trick or treating on foot in a neighborhood. I love the idea of being at a garage sale visiting with neighbors and people from around town. It all seems very quaint and early 90's to me.  I suspect these ideas are naivety on my part and that they will die a slow, sweaty death tomorrow morning at 8 when I've already been up for 4 hours.

If you live near me I do hope you will pay us a visit tomorrow.  We have lots of good stuff and I might even make some cookies. Sara and I had an official lunch meeting this week about The Big Sale (which her mom pointed out we should write off for tax purposes--I like the way she thinks) and we decided that our criteria for success would be making a profit--any profit, no specifics to bring us down--and having a general good time. Please come help us make all our dreams come true!

Whitney

Discontentment

Do you know about the book Jesus Calling? It's a book of short devotions with something written for each day of the year. The thing that makes it unique is that it's written as if Jesus is talking to you (which perhaps sounds odd if you've never read it but I promise it's not). I would say some of the major themes are trust, thankfulness, and peace. A special friend gave me my copy a few years ago when I was going through a hard time and I can definitely say it's my favorite devotion book. 

Something I really enjoy doing is going back and looking at what I highlighted or underlined in past years. It makes me remember things that I've gone through before and I feel so thankful for God's faithfulness.  Yesterday I was reading and something stood out to me:

"Accept each day just as it comes to you. Do not waste your time and energy wishing for a different set of circumstances. Instead, trust Me enough to yield to My design and purposes. Remember that nothing can separate you from My Loving Presence; you are mine."

In my book I had underlined the part that I've underlined here.  I bet I underlined that two or three years ago, and oh boy, did I need to underline that back then. I also needed to write it on 500 sticky notes and post them all around me and tattoo it to my body. And I still need to remind myself of it often. 

I'm sure I'm not the only one who's gone through a time of discontentment. There are some circumstances that we can reasonably make an effort to change, but I'm thinking of situations that we can't necessarily control. We can find ourselves feeling discontent about a huge variety of things and it can lead to lots of different feelings--frustration, sadness, impatience, helplessness, comparison, and loneliness come to my mind.  

And certainly we are right to not be ok with our circumstances sometimes. There's nothing wrong with doing our best to make a negative thing better. But after we've done that and things still haven't improved, well, if we're not careful the discontentment might come. And it seems to me that if we hang out in the land of discontentment too long, it's easy for resentment to set in. After resentment comes bitterness, and being bitter leads to nothing good. The worst thing about all these negative feelings is that they don't change a thing. They don't improve our situation at all--they suck our joy, keep us feeling bad, and might even cause us to miss out on something that we need to learn.

This isn't a fun or easy idea, not at all. But I think sometimes we have to make a decision to try our best to take our eyes off the bad and refocus them on the good. To remember God's faithfulness and count our blessings.  Here are a couple of verses that I think can be especially powerful in a season of discontentment:

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6

"I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old." Psalm 77:11

"For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last He will stand upon the earth." Job 19:25

On days when we're not sure of anything else, we can be sure that God is always good, is always for us, and that He will finish the work He started in us. And that is a reason to be thankful indeed.

Whitney

Counseling Anniversary and My Video Debut

It’s been about a year since I left a regular, forty -hour a week job that provided delightful and practical benefits such as retirement, insurance, and paid holidays to begin counseling at a private practice as my primary job. I had already been with Crossroads Counseling for a while and had been planning on making the change, but it was still a big decision and a huge risk. I knew that it could potentially be a huge disaster, but I also knew that God had opened up a million doors for me to walk through and I felt sure of what He had told me to do. And so I took what is certainly my biggest risk yet and left the safe job that made me feel drained for the risky job that makes me feel alive. 

 In the last year I’ve developed a term of endearment for self-employment—I like to refer to it as “Living on the Edge”.  Anyone who is self-employed or who has a self-employed spouse knows exactly what I mean.  I don’t know when I’ve ever been so excited for a change, but I knew things wouldn’t be easy all the time so I tried to have realistic expectations. Even so, trying to imagine something isn’t the same as actually experiencing it. There was a particularly difficult season where everything seemed to go wrong. It was confusing and scary and every emotion I felt told me to just give up because this job would obviously never work. I started feeling crazy for thinking it would.

I had a particularly meaningful conversation with a co-worker during that time, and he reminded me that God doesn’t play jokes on us, doesn’t change His mind when He leads us to something, and that I could trust I hadn’t heard Him wrong several months before.  And I remembered that sometimes we have to put our trust in what we know instead of what we feel.  So that’s what Will and I tried our best to do, and of course everything worked out.  In fact, it worked out better than we had ever hoped.  Why did we ever get so worried?

Working in private practice at Crossroads Counseling is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I’m so thankful for the freedom to see clients without being bogged down with other things. I’m thankful that I can arrange my schedule to have time to speak, to teach, and to write. I’m thankful for the clients that I’ve come to truly know, love, and enjoy so much.  And I’m especially thankful for my Crossroads family. Everyone—my co-workers, our director, our administrative assistants—have always fully supported me, encouraged me, and treated me as an equal.  The other day I listened as a counselor who is much more experienced than I am referred clients to me over the phone, and I could have cried about the kind words she used to describe me. You just don’t find that everywhere. 

Last April Mutual of Omaha contacted me about making a video for their Aha Moment tour.  I spoke a little about making my decision to become a counselor and some of the things that go along with that.  I’ve been waiting for a while to share it, and now seems like the right time. Do take a moment and prepare yourself for the strength of the accent you’re about to hear.

At the end of this video I talk a bit about purpose. We all have natural gifts, talents, and abilities. The only thing I’ve ever been really good at is connecting with different people and making others feel comfortable. I never would have imagined that those things would have turned into my job, but I am a truly certain that God will take our lives and do more with them than we could ever ask or imagine if we will only follow Him and trust that He has good plans for us. Just like counseling comes naturally to me, you have something that comes naturally to you.  Maybe you’re great at decorating a house or making a delicious meal. Maybe you’re wonderful with kids.  Maybe you’re super organized or great at budgeting. Maybe you’re an expert at making spreadsheets, growing a beautiful garden, or writing. Whatever it is that comes naturally to you and makes you feel alive, there is a way to find purpose and serve others through that thing. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to make a career or job change, but rather that you embrace the special gifts God gave you and commit them to Him.  Who knows, maybe He will take them and do more that you ever asked or imagined too. 

Later on Mutual of Omaha will do some sort of voting campaign with these videos and the winner will get to make a national commercial.  I am certainly not expecting to be a national commercial star, but feel free to share this video if you feel like doing so. 

Have a good weekend friends. And let us all enjoy the brisk 92 degree weather and give thanks that it's no longer 130 degrees outside.

Whitney

Sometimes I Stand Up and Talk!

The summer has been long and full around here. I didn't teach any classes and counseling slows down a bit in the summer, so I've had plenty of time to visit with friends and family and continue in my quest to rid our house of 1983-ness. I know July isn't quite over yet, but all the teachers in my life are getting ready to head back to work and to me that means the Fall is almost here. I will be busy again soon, but there is always something exciting about the start of a new season.

Something that keeps me quite busy during the school year is speaking at different events. It truly is a huge honor when a group asks me to come, and I absolutely love getting the chance to meet new people and share things that I've learned. Though I particularly enjoy speaking at women's ministry events, I've also had the chance to speak at several community and student events and I've really enjoyed those as well.  You can click here, here, and here to read about a couple of the events I did this spring.  You can click here to read about some of the topics that I've spoken about often, and I also enjoy speaking on more traditional Bible study topics.

I've got some exciting events planned for this fall, and I would be so honored to add your event to my calendar.  Feel free to share this information and contact me with any questions!

Whitney

Fancy Friends

My friends have been up to some pretty fancy things lately.  Have you looked at the new issue of Martha Stewart Weddings? 

That's my friend Saron's wedding inside taking up an entire 8 pages! She got married back in April 2014 and she and my friend Alee worked for months planning the most perfect night.  The event took place in the cattle fields just besides her parent's house.  It was so personal and was filled with so many special touches.  Alee and Saron, along with family and friends, planned, designed, and built every detail of the wedding themselves.   You can read all about it in the magazine, or you can download the Martha Stewart Weddings app through Newsstand and check it out on your iPad. 

Photos by laurenkinsey.com

Alee and I have been best friends since we first met in the 6th grade.  Even as an eleven year old I was able to immediately recognize how incredibly creative Alee was, and I've spent the last two decades benefitting from her talents.  These benefits include but are not limited to--handwriting lessons (lost cause), "help" with all art projects ("hey Alee, why don't you draw/write this and I'll color it in?"), help with designing and with flowers at my own wedding, and help painting and decorating my house ("hey Alee, I'll just bring these things in here and why don't you put them on the shelves where they need to go. K thanks.").  Seriously, she has such a gift and can make anything look amazing.

Saron and I became close friends as teenagers when we were on our high school's dance team together.  We both lived out in the country, 30 minutes outside of town in different directions, so we spent hours together riding around in our messy cars, wearing spandex dance wear, and eating an abundance of unhealthy foods.  Saron has experience in event planning and can be counted on to get a job done right. She's got style, she's got sass, and I promise you will never be bored with her.  

Alee and Saron have their own event planning and designing business and they make the perfect team.  They are so talented and you can't imagine how hard they work.  Plus, they're just fun.  I'm so proud of these two and I'm not at all surprised by their success.  Make sure to like their facebook page and check out their website.  I'm sure they'd love to answer any questions you have about working with you on your event.  

While you're at it, check out the article my friend Lacy Deese wrote for the Clarion-Ledger here. 

 Lacy's a friend and my co-worker at Crossroads Counseling.  She's actually the one who helped me get the chance to be a part of Crossroads in the first place, for which I will be forever completely grateful! She's the perfect combination of wise and funny, and I love love love what she wrote about the goodness of God in this article.  It's just so true.  

And that's what my fancy friends have been up to lately. 

Whitney 

See You Later May

May was a wild month for me.  And for pretty much every other person I know.  May seems to be a month when a lot of things end, most notably school.  I'm finished teaching my college classes until the fall and once again I have been reminded of the blessing that is summer vacation.

I started the month by speaking to the Teen MOPs group at Parkway Baptist Church in Clinton, MS.  I know I have mentioned Mothers of Preschoolers before, but this group is unique in that it is made up of teen moms.  I could tell the girls loved the group, and I was SO impressed with this program and with the ladies who volunteer as mentors each week.  

I had the chance to write about about one of my experiences as a FUGE staffer on the FUGE blog.  If you know me then you know how special this camp is to me.  You can check it out here. 

A couple of weeks ago I did something really neat.  Back in April the Mutual of Omaha organization contacted me and asked me if I would film a video for their Aha Moment Tour.  I think one of their recruiters must have read the blog I wrote about my dad's heart attack, and they wanted me to film a short video talking about a moment in my life that impacted me in a big way.  Even though I'm really used to talking in front of people I was a tiny bit nervous, because I've never talked in front of a camera before.  The Mutual of Omaha people were so incredibly nice and they made me feel really comfortable.

Eventually Mutual of Omaha will post these videos, and the ones with the most votes will be made into commercials.  I'm not holding my breath for any such thing, but I'm really, really thankful I had this opportunity.  I am also really anxious to hear what my voice sounds like.  I'm pretty sure that there won't be any questions regarding where I'm from.  

If you're my Facebook or Instagram friend then you might have seen some pictures from my trip to New York a couple of weeks ago.  My sister graduated from Columbia with her MFA in creative nonfiction writing, so of course I had to attend the festivities.  I flew up the day after I filmed my video and met my parents, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that my family was perhaps the loudest group of people in Manhattan.  At least on the subway at 7 am.

I've been to two Ivy League graduations now, and let me tell you--these events are not for the weak or weary individual.  You have to be prepared to hustle, brave extreme temperatures, sit for an exceptionally long time with 40,000 friends, skip meals, and basically celebrate for 12 hours.  It's so fun, but it makes even the most prepared person feel a little insane.  I think due to all of the academic excellence around us Kayla and I were inspired to write some poetry throughout the day:

I had the best time visiting with Kayla's friends and participating in my favorite New York activity--eating everything I see.  It's slightly devastating that I can't eat at Absolute Bagel every morning at home like I can when I'm in New York, but those everything bagels with their lox will be forever in my heart.  Even though Absolute Bagel is my absolute favorite, the real highlight of the trip was being with these wild people.

Now summer is here, and maybe that means things will slow down a little.  And maybe that means that I will finally unpack my garage from when I moved into my house 10 months ago.  Only time will tell.

Whitney

Very Late April Wrap Up

Did you ever come home and realize that you've been so busy that every room in your house has become dirty? That’s pretty much how the whole month of April was for me. It was really busy, but it was also full of visiting with friends and other good things.

The month started with my friend Paige’s wedding. Paige and I have been besties since high school and I was so excited to be her maid of honor. Paige lives in San Francisco now, so it was great to spend time with her and other friends that I don’t get to see very often.

A couple of days after the wedding I spoke to the MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) group at North Monroe Baptist Church in Monroe, LA. Monroe is dear to me because my friends Megan and Emily both grew up there, and I can't begin to tell you the fun we've had there over the past ten years. The ladies in the group were really sweet and their meeting included the most excellent buffet of breakfast items, including a noteworthy breakfast sandwich that I have not stopped thinking about yet. They are an example to MOPs groups everywhere in the area of delicious refreshments.

I spoke using this microphone and I am pleased to report that I did not hit myself in the face.

My friend Susan made the trip with me and my friend Emily met us there. A personal low occurred when I was five minutes into driving us home and I felt my eyes start to close. We immediately stopped and switched drivers, thus poor Susan had to chauffeur me home. What would I do without friends like these?

During the month of April I was the guest blogger for Mississippi Women Bloggers. It was a challenge for me to write so much with everything else that was going on, but I think it was good for me and I’m so thankful to have had the opportunity. The month’s theme was Renew and if you didn’t read them yet I introduced myself and wrote about dealing with stress, the true meaning of home, comparison, using social media in a healthy way, and purpose.

The month of May got off to an excellent start this past weekend when I FINALLY got a new phone!

I got my old iphone 4 back in 2011 and I think it’s safe to say it was past time to upgrade. I can only equate my excitement to the time in 8th grade when I finally got satellite TV and could watch TRL in my very own living room. Do you have any suggestions for apps that I cannot live without? I haven’t been able to participate in app downloading for about a year and a half, therefore the most exciting one that I can think of is the Bank Plus app. Let me know what I've been missing.

I hope May has gotten off to a great start for you!

Whitney

Holey Sheets

When Will and I got married three and a half years ago we were given two sets of bed sheets as wedding gifts.  I feel like most adults probably have more than two sets of sheets for their primary bed, but I couldn’t bring myself to spend money on more sheets when we had two perfectly good sets.  So I set out to make these sheets last as long as possible, and this went pretty well until April 2015.

Several weeks ago I decided that it was time to finally cover the visible box spring with our most worn fitted sheet.  I didn’t realize until after it was already on that we had accidentally used the newer sheet instead of the more worn one.  I don’t know if you have ever tried to fit a regular sized fitted sheet onto a box spring, but let’s just say that the sheet is staying there for the rest of it’s life.  This left the more worn set of sheets to go on the actual mattress, which didn’t bother me.  After all, no one can even see the sheets. 

Things continued to go well for me and my sheets until one night Will got out of bed and I heard a ripping sound.  Apparently his “toe got caught” on a worn spot in the sheet and it tore. Let me stop here and say this—Will is what I would call a “hard mover”.  When he comes home he closes the door so hard that things shake.  He “places” glasses on the counter so hard that I’m nervous they will break.  If he stubs his toes they bleed.  If he turns over in his sleep it’s with enough force to pull the blankets completely off of me.  So when I heard that ripping sound I knew it was going to be bad.  We checked it out and indeed there was a substantial hole in the sheet.  So what did we do about it? Why nothing, of course. 

Over the course of the next couple of weeks the hole grew and grew.  It went from a substantial hole, to a big hole, to a huge hole.  Eventually it completely extended from one side of the mattress to the other.  Our feet and our dog would get caught in it.  At this point I had to take some action, but I still didn’t buy new sheets.  I just took the top sheet, tucked it in tight, and continued to ignore the problem. 

Why didn’t I just get new sheets? I had several reasons at the time.  I didn’t want to drive to the store to get them.  I was busy.  I didn’t want to spend money on something you can’t even see.  Mostly, I think the situation didn’t bother me until I was actually trying to go to sleep, so it was easy to keep ignoring. 

As I’ve thought about my sheet dilemma, I am reminded of how we sometimes handle small problems in our lives.  I’m talking about small things that we are dissatisfied with and that we can realistically change.  I’m thinking of issues with organization, time management, getting enough rest, eating habits, and other little things like that.  Sometimes it’s easy to ignore these things because they aren’t a big deal.  Other people can’t see them, and they don’t consistently bother us enough to force us to make a change. 

I finally broke down and got new sheets three weeks ago, and they are what I would call a Game Changer.  Here are some of our reviews on them: “Wow! I can’t believe how great these sheets are!”, “I love this bed!”, “I feel like I’m sleeping so much better!”, “I feel like we are sleeping in a fancy hotel bed!”, and “Do you think we’ll ever stop talking about these sheets?”  Sometimes we get complacent and don’t realize just how much a problem is affecting us until we’ve fixed it.  This goes for holey sheets and life. 

What are some easy changes you can make today to make life easier and more pleasant?

Beauty for Ashes

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  Romans 8:26 

I suppose I have known of this verse for a long time, but it wasn’t until January 2011 that I really understood what it meant.  January 11, 2011 was a rare snow day in Clinton, MS.  My graduate school classes had been cancelled and I was at my then-fiancé-now-husband Will’s apartment with a couple of other friends watching the college football national championship when my mom called.  I didn’t answer the first time, but I was worried that something might be wrong when she called back immediately.

“Whitney. Your daddy has had some sort of a spell.  You need to come home right now”, she told me in a voice that didn’t belong to her.  Absolute panic raced through my mind and body and I had a thousand questions that she couldn’t answer.  “It doesn’t look good.  You just need to come right now.  Give the phone to Will”, she told me. 

All I remember about that moment is that I wasn’t able to coherently speak to my friends to explain what had happened, nor could I coherently think.  A moment like this will make you realize what your faith is really made of, and I am forever grateful that my first instinct was to run into Will’s room and fall onto my knees.  I tried to pray and I felt like I was, but later my friends told me that I wasn’t speaking real words but just making noises.  When I look back at that moment, I am certain, absolutely, supernaturally certain, that the Holy Spirit was there, interceding for me when I could not pray real words for myself. 

My friends got me up and Will drove me two hours south to Forrest General hospital in Hattiesburg, MS.  When we got to the hospital we found out that my dad had suffered a massive heart attack known as the Widow Maker, a type of heart attack that immediately kills 9 out of 10 people.  He had been without a pulse when he got to the hospital, without oxygen to his brain for 45 minutes, and shocked over a dozen times before he somewhat stabilized.  The doctors at the hospital in my hometown of Picayune, MS had told my mom that he probably wouldn’t survive the ambulance ride to the cardiac unit an hour north in Hattiesburg, but that he definitely wouldn’t make it if they didn’t try.

Luckily, this story ends in the happiest way possible.  After the doctors told us that he likely wouldn’t make it, my dad started making tiny improvements and miraculously woke up a couple of days later.   That morning my mom woke my sister and I up from the bed we had crafted from ICU waiting room couches.  We ran, me accidentally barefoot, into his room where he was able to recognize us right away.  He left the hospital 7 days after arriving, rode his motorcycle for the first time 6 weeks later, and went back to work at the beginning of the summer.  He walked me down the aisle at my wedding that September, and I don’t know if there has ever been a bride more thankful to have her dad beside her.  Today he is healthier than ever with no lasting damage at all. 

My dad looking fine as ever!

If you happen to be looking for a Christian magazine, I recommend that you head to your nearest ICU waiting room because they are full of them.  I remember picking one up, while my dad was still unconscious, and reading “For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 

This is another verse that I’ve known of for a long time, but it didn’t really become personal to me until the months following that night.  For several different reasons those months were HARD, probably the hardest of my life so far.  Despite being so happy and thankful that my dad was ok, life suddenly seemed unpredictable, out of my control, and terrifying.  If something this terrible could happen what else could happen? What if it didn’t turn out so well the next time something bad happened? For months I suffered from crippling anxiety plus guilt for feeling the anxiety.  Nothing seemed to be going right and it was hard for me to find “the good” in my situation.

What good things did I eventually find?  Most significantly, after a lifetime of sometimes doubting my salvation, my faith took a very real turn that night.  It didn’t happen quickly, but I can look back and see that it was the turning point. The anxiety I experienced finally resulted in me turning to scripture as a last resort, and this changed a lifetime of knowledge about God into a real relationship with Him.   Second, spending many months in counseling helped me to be able to connect to the desperation that some of my clients feel the first time they meet with me—I wouldn’t understand that feeling if I hadn’t experienced it myself. Third, I now have a story to share that may encourage someone else.  

Why am I telling you this story? Because sometimes it seems impossible to find the good right away.  Let me be very clear about this—I am in no way trying to compare my experience to whatever painful thing you have gone through.  My dad made it, but someone out there has a dad who didn’t and that is a pain that I can’t pretend to understand.  Someone lost a baby.  A marriage.  A dream.  A job. Maybe you’ve made a big mistake.  Maybe you haven’t lost anything, but maybe you are just disappointed with life and with God about the things that haven’t worked out the way you hoped.  Each of us has had different experiences and we can’t compare our hurt to another person’s.

But whatever your trouble is, know this—as long as you’re living, God has a good plan and a purpose for your life.  God brings purpose from the good things—your talents, experiences, and successes--but He also redeems and brings good from your hard times and mistakes too.  It may not be in the way that you expect or hope, but God, in His timing, will bring something good from your deepest pain.  We can count on this promise, today and always. 

“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.  In their righteousness they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.” Isaiah 61:3